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Quotes

"Just because an idea is stupid doesn't mean it won't work."
     - Mr. Ferley, Three's Company

"When people ask me where I get by imagination, I simply lament, 'God, here and there, makes madness a calling.'"
     - Ray Bradbury

"I don't understand this whole thing about computers and the superhighway. Who wants to be in touch with all of those people?"
     - Ray Bradbury

"Don't think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious and anything self-conscious is lousy. You cannot try to do things. You simply must do things."
     - Ray Bradbury

"You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you."
     - Ray Bradbury

"Dream for a living."
     - Steven Spielberg

"Even in my dreams, I know I'm a fool who's about to wake up to reality."
     - David, Vanilla Sky

"Here's my problem with cats: best case scenario, you get the smartest cat in the world, he still craps in your house."
     - Red, That 70s Show

"I only work with the barely competent. It makes slacking off that much easier."
     - Hyde, That 70s Show

"Bobís always upset. Heís a little girl in big boy pants."
     - Red, That 70s Show

Red: "Bob's just kind of goofy, like a cartoon, like living next door to Elmer Fudd."
Bob: "That might be the nicest thing you've ever said about me."
     - That 70s Show

"Where Zen ends, ass kicking begins."
     - Hyde, That 70s Show

"Work isn't about fun, it's about work. It's about seeing how much crap you can take from the boss man, and then taking some more."
     - Red, That 70s Show

"What are you going to put on your resume? Dumbass?!?"
     - Red, to Hyde, That 70s Show

"This place just isn't the same when I'm not around."
     - Kelso, That 70s Show

"If they could send a monkey into space, they could send me."
     - Kelso, That 70s Show

"Science is my worst subject. Well, if you don't include math."
     - Kelso, That 70s Show

"The hardest thing to do is to do what you want to do."
     - Fonzie, Happy Days

"We're all in the same predicament. Except me, I got it worse. At least you guys have me."
     - Fonzie, Happy Days

"It's like when you walk into class and see a movie projector set up."
     - Mallory, Family Ties

"I guess you aren't the man I thought you were, and I wasn't too happy with that one."
     - Roseanne, Roseanne

"The Dude abides."
     - The Dude, The Big Lebowski

"There's a whole sea of women out there waiting for you to tickle their tuna."
     - Fred Sanford, Sanford & Son

"I've never screwed a ten, but one night I slept with five twos."
     - George Carlin

"Hey, my taxes paid for that horn."
     - Homer to the Secret Service, The Simpsons

Bart: "Uh, no offense Homer but your half ass underparenting was a lot more better than your half assed overparenting."
Homer: "But I'm using my whole ass."
     - The Simpsons

Lisa: "Dad, where are your clothes?"
Homer: "I don't know."
Lisa: "Don't tell me Mom dresses you."
Homer: "I guess, or one of her friends."
     - The Simpsons

Kitty: "Where'd I put my brown sugar?"
Fez: "I'm right here honey buns."
     - That 70s Show

Ambulance Sign: "Springfield General"
Homer: "I want my wife to get the best treatment money can buy."
Ambulance Sign: "Beth Israel"
Homer: "Uh, don't go nuts."
Ambulance Sign: "St. Mary's"
Homer: "Eh, better than that."
Ambulance Sign: "Springfield Presbyterian"
Homer: "Perfect."
     - The Simpsons

Lisa: "Mom, Dad, there's something I have to do, you're not going to like it but I really believe it's the right thing to do."
Homer: "Marge, she's gonna narc on our stash."
Marge: "We don't have a stash."
Homer: (Cautiously) "No, of course not.."
     - The Simpsons

To Doug: "You know what would help me, if you shut your Dorito chute."
     - Carrie, The King of Queens

"Come back, those are prescription pants!"
     - Comic Book Guy, The Simpsons

"I'm not a nerd. Nerds are smart."
     - Millhouse, The Simpsons

"Call me mint jelly 'cause I'm on the lam."
     - Grandpa Simpson, The Simpsons

Marge: "Homer, no, you'll kill us all!"
Homer: "Or die trying!"
     - The Simpsons

"Jethro, I'm gonna beat that sixth grade education of yours clean back to kindergarten."
     - Granny, The Beverly Hillbillies

Fred: "How much is 5 and 5?"
Bubba: "Ten."
Fred: "It's also your I.Q."
     - Sanford & Son

Bart: "You're supposed to be the night watchman!"
Millhouse: "I was watching. I saw the whole thing. First it started to fall, then it fell."
     - The Simpsons

[While eating "Peeps" marshmallow candy] "98...99...100. Ah, if only real chicks went down that easy."
     - Comic Book Guy, The Simpsons

"Vote Quimby. If you were running for mayor, he'd vote for you."
     - TV Announcer, The Simpsons

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'"
     - Charlie Brown

"If you're going to do something, you should do it right, even if it's wrong."
    - Hank Hill, King of the Hill

"I married you 'till death do us part. Once I'm dead, I'm free to date."
    - Al Bundy, Married With Children

"Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charliest Browniest."
    - Linus

"A man picks a wife like a tomato picks a farmer."
    - Uncle Jed, The Beverly Hillbillies

"I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either."
    - Jack Benny

"A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid."
    - Jack Benny

"Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air."
    - Jack Benny

"Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
    - Jack Benny

"I'm not really 100. I won't say how old I am, but when I was young and a hot story broke, reporters used to run into the newsroom shouting 'stop the chisels.'"
    - Ronald Reagan

"When I go in for a physical, nobody asks me how old I am anymore, they just carbon date me."
    - Ronald Reagan

"90% of everything is crap, but the other 10% is worth dying for."
    - Theodore Sturgeon

"If you want to be a good politician, one of the first things you have to do is be in office."
    - Rush Limbaugh

Kid #1: "My dad owns Harrison Ford."
Kid #2: "The actor?"
Kid #1: "No, the car dealership."
     - She's All That

 

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