"Just because an idea is stupid doesn't mean it
"When people ask me where I get by imagination,
I simply lament, 'God, here and there, makes madness a calling.'"
"I don't understand this whole thing about
computers and the superhighway. Who wants to be in touch with all of those people?"
"You must stay drunk on writing so reality
cannot destroy you."
"Dream for a living."
"Even in my dreams, I know I'm a fool who's
about to wake up to reality."
"Here's my problem with cats: best case
scenario, you get the smartest cat in the world, he still craps in your
"I only work with the barely competent. It makes
slacking off that much easier."
"Bobís always upset. Heís a little girl in big boy pants."
Red: "Bob's just kind of goofy, like a
cartoon, like living next door to Elmer Fudd."
"Where Zen ends, ass kicking begins."
"Work isn't about fun, it's about work. It's
about seeing how much crap you can take from the boss man, and then taking some
"What are you going to put on your resume? Dumbass?!?"
"This place just isn't the same when I'm not
"If they could send a monkey into space, they
could send me."
"Science is my worst subject. Well, if you don't
"The hardest thing to do is to do what you want
"We're all in the same predicament. Except me, I
got it worse. At least you guys have me."
"It's like when you walk into class and see a
movie projector set up."
"I guess you aren't the man I thought you were,
and I wasn't too happy with that one."
"The Dude abides."
"There's a whole sea of women out there waiting
for you to tickle their tuna."
"I've never screwed a ten, but one night I slept
with five twos."
"Hey, my taxes paid for that horn."
Bart: "Uh, no offense Homer but your half
ass underparenting was a lot more better than your half assed
Lisa: "Dad, where are your clothes?"
Kitty: "Where'd I put my brown sugar?"
Ambulance Sign: "Springfield General"
Lisa: "Mom, Dad, there's something I have to
do, you're not going to like it but I really believe it's the right thing to
To Doug: "You know what would help me, if
you shut your Dorito chute."
"Come back, those are prescription
"I'm not a nerd. Nerds are smart."
"Call me mint jelly 'cause I'm on the lam."
Marge: "Homer, no, you'll kill us all!"
"Jethro, I'm gonna beat that sixth grade
education of yours clean back to kindergarten."
Fred: "How much is 5 and 5?"
Bart: "You're supposed to be the night
[While eating "Peeps" marshmallow candy]
"98...99...100. Ah, if only real chicks went down that easy."
"Vote Quimby. If you were running for mayor,
he'd vote for you."
"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask,
'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one
"If you're going to do something, you should do
it right, even if it's wrong."
"I married you 'till death do us part. Once I'm
dead, I'm free to date."
"Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're
the Charliest Browniest."
"A man picks a wife like a tomato picks a
"I don't deserve this award, but I have
arthritis and I don't deserve that either."
"A scout troop consists of twelve little kids
dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid."
"Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful
partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air."
"Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If
you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
"I'm not really 100. I won't say how old I am,
but when I was young and a hot story broke, reporters used to run into the newsroom
shouting 'stop the chisels.'"
"When I go in for a physical, nobody asks me how
old I am anymore, they just carbon date me."
"90% of everything is crap, but the other 10% is
worth dying for."
"If you want to be a good politician, one of the
first things you have to do is be in office."
Kid #1: "My dad owns Harrison Ford."